when i'm blue i listent to biomusicology and everything seems a little better

does any one else ever wonder if they will amount to anything. will all this hard work. sleepless nights. stress. pain. lack of money. tears. burns. will it ever amount to anything? i have one in a million chance of actually making it in anything. and i'm starting to wonder if it's worth it. but without this i am nothing. my career has defined who i am for the past three years. i am a pastry chef. that is what people know me for. anything to do with sweet or food or cooking people think of me. but i'm more than just that.

i wish i could sit down with my old chef and ask him what i should do. where i am going. he was the person who made me fall in love with the restaurant world. he shaped me as a chef. now he just awkwardly hits on me through text messages. instead of some epic conversation that would possibly enlighten me on my life choices he would probably just try to sleep with me. gross. and not what i need.

i don't want my career to define me anymore. i want to date. i want to fall in love. i want someone to want to know me. i want chocolate chip pancakes after late nights. and first kisses and hand holding. and those looks where you feel like nothing else matters in the world. i'm finally ready to share my life with someone else. hey you, where are you? i will forever be a romantic. i blame it on movies like funny face. i want to feel special for a different reason other than just what i do.

watching nick and nora's infinite playlist tonight was probably a bad idea.


or come from out of the tunnels we dig in
to see that tunneling's not living
and working doesn't work
or come to find that loving is labor
labor's life and life's forever