sleepytime station.

for some reason i always feel like writing after i go to steel. weird, i know. (maybe it's because every time i come home from there i am filled with champagne and wine that costs more than i make in months. all of which i don't pay for. helps to know wealthy and generous friends.) steel is the sushi place i go to in dallas on sundays. best escolar and short ribs ever. one of the few places in texas i will truly miss eating at. although i would hope i would fine those two food items in new york somewhere.

three days. three days left in texas.

my head may explode with everything i need to do in the next three days. every time i start to think about it my heart begins racing and i feel like i am going to throw up. i am well aware those are the start of a panic attack. somehow over the years i have learned to repress them. i bet when i'm 30 i am going to have this giant panic attack and my heart will explode. if that's the way i die i will disappointed. no joke.


this past week was beautiful. it's what i needed to remind myself that everything is and will be okay. that i am only 23 years old. i am in no rush for anything. and as long as i can have late night and early morning giggle fests and someone there to hold my hand when needed than everything will be okay. inside jokes and late nights make me come alive again. i had more fun in memphis than in nashville. who knew that would happen. although i think i went to nashville to finally let go. to prove to myself that there is nothing left there. this was the last time. i wouldn't doubt if i don't set foot in that city for many, many years. i don't it anymore and it doesn't need me. maybe this is just another step of growing up. when you realize that there are indeed people that you love but you will never see again. because they were there to build one aspect of you. but after that you can let them go. you are forever changed by these people. but you know deep down inside. you don't need them. what a sad but true realization.

i wish i could sell everything (with the exception of cookbooks and my tools) and start over. packing has become so painful. maybe it's because i have done it 4 times in the past year. lame.

done with so much. ready for everything to come.