i want to feel free and have fun, cause that's what it really means to be young....

three weeks till we are suppose to start renovations and there is still no clear idea about what we are doing or what our menus will be or anything. i am really not too fond of working for such a heartless dried up old chef anymore. but i just have to make it till may. i remind myself that everyday. i just keep trying to get through this. i have been going home early 3 or more nights a week because of the lack of customers. it is just so depressing sometimes making desserts for no one.

it seems that this recessions is starting to hit my business hard finally. even the top restaurants in new york have started to do $35 menus. and my position seems to be getting eliminated. no business means no need to workers and if you can find line cooks with pastry experience than there is no need for what i do. i want to go to chicago or somewhere else so bad. but i am worried i won't be able to get a job. at this point i will take anything and just ride out this economy for a while if i can get out of dallas. i am desperate for some sort of social life again. i want to sit around wtih friends and drink wine and laugh and go out to dinner. i want to be my age. i'm afraid that if i get too involved with my career than i am going to wake up one day as a single, 40 year old burn out cat lady. or maybe i won't even have a cat and i will just be lonely and cranky and i will drink too much. what's the point of life if you arn't living it?

thanks to my ipod speaker dock i am rocking out to ska music on a daily basis in my kitchen. and i love the looks my coworkers give me.

well i'm anxious and restless...i guess that's what it's like to be young