just to start off i may be in love with lee pace:

if you don't watch pushing daises than you are a loser. it is an amazing show.

oh work. what to say about it. it is a constant battle of everyone hating each other. i guess it is expected with so few people spending that much time together. we tend to get on each others nerves. sometimes i think i may stroke out by the time i am 30 from stress.

one more dessert to go and my fall menu will final be finished. it seems like the harder i work on the the less they tend to work out. apparently i have to get pretty frustrated with something before i can make it work. i have also done my first paid wedding cake and the clients loved it. i was pretty happy about it. of course i could see ever single flaw on it, but i tend to be more than a little harsh on myself. i never think anything is good enough, even myself. i have this theory that everyone just lies to my face and tells me that things are good, just so they won't hurt my feelings. i just can't imagine people actually thinking that my stuff is that good, but it just seems to be the way i think.

work was busy last week and i can tell we are about to enter the holiday season, which i am not looking forward to that much this year. i tend to disappear in the months of november and december into only work mode. i hardly talk or see anyone now, i fear i am just going to become entirely disconnected this winter.

it seems like the bad days are starting to outweigh the good days. everything is so hard to me right now. being so away from everyone and everything that i love and pushing my self to be something big. i want to just settle for a shitty job and pretend to be happy with it. but deep down in my heart i know that isn't what i want. i was to be great, and mostly i just want to be respected.

i want to be something bigger than what i am, but i don't understand this will that drives me. maybe one day i will achieve what i am looking for, that is if i don't die from stress before that happens.

i have been escaping into the vampire love story books too much. i am starting to loose myself in them when i read, i just need somewhere to go sometimes. i just need to get out of my head.

my life is boring. sorry.